~2010 Annual Nanaho Award~

Yeah another year another Nanaho Award!!

Ho-ho I write this earlier. Cause tomorrow I’m gonna write about my 2010 review~

-Best Movie

地下鉄に乗って [It's a story about a guy by mistake took an underground train back to his father's era. It's quite interesting and touching.]

-Best Drama

相棒９oh yeah~ now it become my favourite drama series. And just Oikawa [the guy which shares the same birthday with me] kinda cute~ haha

Other 2 favourite drama:

Team Batista: Return of the General Rouge [It's a medical mystery drama. But then again it's all about my dear General Rouge a.k.a Nishijima Hidetoshi]

济众院Jejoongwon [It's a tradional drama about how a lowly屠夫becoming a western doctor in the 1900. This dram it's quite drag, also I don't like the main actor, still I list it in my top because of the supporting actor, the main actress, and the wonderful soundtrack]

-Best Actor

西島秀俊[Nishijima Hidetoshi] oh~ I love him sooo much!! Especially in Team Batista : Return of the General Rouge~

-Best Actress

檀れい. She’s very beautiful and sophisticate. From Aibou Season 8 guest star and Pandermic.

-Best MV

Microphone by Ayumi Hamasaki

-Best Commercial

Asience Shampoo: Skater Mao Asada's version

-Best Cartoon

The Simpsons. Love those yellow freaks~

-Best Book

I read quite a number of books this year, but then none of them are my favourite. If really want to choose then Hard-boiled wonderland and the End of the World by Haruki Murakami. Please refer to my review of what this book’s about.

-Best Album

Rock’n’roll Circus by Ayumi Hamasaki.

-Best Single Album

アイシテル by Ken Hirai. I love all the song in this single. Which include Aishiteru, air cameraman and Unchained Melody.

-Best Accessories

Hat~ ha-ha I love it so much in the year 2010~

-Best Beverage

午後の紅茶 by Kirin

//Music Section//

2010 Top 5 Instrumental Music

-Silent Love by Joe Hisaishi

-Woman by Joe Hisaishi

-광야 1 from Jejoonwon OST

-正鵠 from Atsuhime OST

-良し from Atsuhime OST

2010 Top 15 Songs

-アイシテル by Ken Hirai

-air cameraman by Ken Hirai

-栞  by一青窈

-花のあと by一青窈

-やさしさで溢れるように by Juju

-いくつの夜明けを数えたら by松田聖子

-Always by Mika Nakashima

-천애지아 by Jang Na Ra from Dong Yi OST

-威風堂々 by平原綾香

- Jupiter by平原綾香

-ソルヴェイグの歌 by平原綾香

-Greensleeves by平原綾香

-살잖아 活著 from Jejoongwon OST

-Seven Days War by Ayumi Hamasaki

-Microphone by Ayumi Hamasaki

That’s all for my 2010~

Happy New Year 2011 in advance~ Ha-ha

My 2010 review and 2011 resolutions~

It’s the last day of year 2010. And it’s time to write an annual review. To me year 2010 it’s been a marvelous year for me because I get what I want along the year; really want to thank God for that!

January:  New Year, new semester nothing special though.

February: Ask Dr. Seng to be my FYP advisor. Chinese New Year! As usual got to see my Mr. Ho~

March: Chemistry Night, received Dean Cert.

April: Exam, Dr. Seng becomes my FYP advisor!

May: Start FYP, get paid RM25 per day~

June: Japan Trip. Met Dr. Takeuchi Daisuke at ICYC.

July: Japanese Speech Contest Penang Round Won 2^nd prize.

August: National Level Japanese Speech Contest Won 4^th prize.

September: Ordinary month, nothing special.

October: My birthday! Though get some emotional breakout, but it’s the 1^st time Mr. Ho wished me Happy Birthday~

November: Exam, and holiday~

December: Going to end my FYP. Made my 1^st move. [From sending him message, to chat with him]Mr. Ho and I became friends? Ha-ha. He so called invites me to their church caroling. For more information please refer to my past blogs.

So it’s been an awesome year to me isn’t it?

-I get Ah Seng as my advisor, get to go to Japan, won the Japanese Speech Contest, get to met Dr. Takeuchi Daisuke and last but not least get to be “closer” with Mr. Ho~ Ha-ha

Thank God for a great 2010, and hope for a better 2011~

New Year Resolutions~

-Success in my final year studies, my FYP thesis and viva.

-Able to continue my Master studies.

-Become more beautiful~ ha-ha which mean slim down, and no more pimples.

-To be in Love~ Woo~ [This one ah...fate lah~]

Well that’s all for my 2011 resolutions. What about you guys??

~Wish you all a dream come true year 2011~

 

天蝎女恋爱的样子～

1、 她会千方百计去打听关于你的任何信息，重点是！她会不着痕迹的去套话或者什么！让人看不出来是自己特意去打听某人，高明吧～


2、 如果她有你Q，就会不断刷新你资料，看你最新动态！看有没有暗示什么的！比如你提到某部电影某首歌啊，她就马上背着你去看简介去听了，她还会不断去你空间！去那些去你空间的人的空间！这点侦探精神...不愧是天蝎！重点是！她会聪明到匿名去你空间！不让你发现她常去。


3、 她对喜欢的人的态度是很特别的！如果是已经很熟的，或许就会热情居多！会暧昧，会比较放的开，比较而已...但如果是不是很熟的，那么，就会表现的很不自然很害羞！会不敢看眼睛，会说话乱七八糟！会给人冷漠的感觉...其实她是想装的无所谓不让你看出她的异端在拼命掩饰！结果就成了冷漠...其实不想的...唉...


4、 她所谓的忽冷忽热，其实是没安全感的体现！有时候你的行为啊话啊触到他敏感的神经后，她就会开始发神经叻...！这点很白痴，太容易受打击了...此时，她就会故意远离下你，冷淡下你，想看你反应！如果你没任何反应，她就开始沮丧了...感觉在独角戏...但如果你对于她的冷表现出热的话...她内心那个激动啊...表面还是风平浪静的...她得装不是嘛...！天蝎就喜欢以这种方式来测试对方，如果对方在乎，就会确认自己在对方心中还是有地位的！天蝎喜欢被在乎的感觉...当然，在她对你冷的时候，如果你比平常热的话，她就会想你是不是喜欢她或者什么的！她很容易幻想的...哈哈。她一感到希望来了，她就会马上热起来...所谓忽冷忽热，就是这么回事...重点！这是对自己喜欢的人而言！但是呢，如果她对你冷的时候，你也采取冷的政策，那么就会出现冷战的情况，她会赌气的...蝎子其实很小孩子气的！她说不定就会故意在你面前跟别人玩玩暧昧，（她巴不得你会气死吃醋吃死...！很白痴吧...哈哈，），你如果也来冷的，她会生闷气：（我不理你你就不理我是吧！你狠！）


5、 蝎子喜欢玩暧昧的喔！这点跟她的专情和痴情其实是不矛盾的！她多情，因为她也有欣赏美的爱好啊，看到漂亮的心动的谁能不心动呢？但是呢，心动归心动，在天蝎心里，永远只有个最爱的人的，其他的她选择保持暧昧，因为天蝎她真的很缺爱的...但她对每段感情都会很负责！如果她说爱了，就是真的爱了！她会义无反顾去付出所有，她的专情和痴情是一般人不能想象的，但有时候别人表面只会看到她滥情，（有些受过情感打击的蝎子会这样喔、不过有些感情一路顺风的就会表面也很专了！）其实不是这样的，她很好的！


6、 蝎子会口是心非喔！而且很严重！就比如说，哪天她对你说她肚子饿了，然后如果你问她要不要你陪她去买点吃的，她可能就会出自'绅士风度'，说什么不用了怕麻烦你啊什么的，如果你哦了一声就真没下文了，那她就抓狂了...（我说不用你就真不用啊！没看到我饿啊！...估计那时候蝎子都打扮好就差你一句话了...哈哈）好可爱的...蝎子就喜欢装...哦也...所以啊，你得仔细分辨她的话...不然就伤死蝎子了...


7、 蝎子会很注意细节的，她会记着关于你说的话，记着你的生日，你喜欢的东西和颜色等等，她会精心为你挑选礼物或者给你制造惊喜，她会提早很久就准备和模拟想象你们在一起的场景...蛤蛤。她对你的了解肯定是你不敢相信的，因为她喜欢你，所以就会去了解关于你的一切，如果不喜欢的话，也就不会做那么多了！如果天蝎为你做了很多事，千万别打击她，就比如她千里迢迢送你东西吃，结果你说不爱吃，那简直就是毁灭性的给蝎子当头一棒...不过她肯定会说不爱吃就不要吃了吧，不要紧的...其实啊...心里五味杂粮啊...但她还是得装镇定...＝＝！不能表现出来自己的在意！


8、 天蝎超爱吃醋...就算她只是暗恋你啊...也吃的全身醋味！不过啊，有时间她会装无所谓，然后故意也去找个暧昧对象在你面前现下...（就算你不喜欢她此举毫无效果...她还是会乐此不疲...至少这么做了，她心里那个平衡啊！...哈哈，好可爱）她还会无意中讽刺你几句，比如：最近过的很滋润嘛！    如果你回答是啊，那她醋意啊就又不知不觉冒出来了...只要看你跟谁亲热点，她就看在眼里急在心里，这时候她就可能会对你忽冷忽热了...详情请参照前几点...

9、 如果蝎子喜欢你，她就会喜欢跟你在一起的时候，巴不得天天在一起。因为蝎子的全心全意付出，所以她会希望对方也能像自己爱她一样爱自己，如果对方的行为举止让蝎子感到她没这么爱自己的话，她就会难过了，接着忽冷忽热...果然...爱情是天蝎致命伤，！天蝎外表坚强，其实很脆弱的！她很想成为对方的幸福，这样她会很满足的。对于冷战，补充一点，如果你也喜欢她，就要适当的实行以冷制冷，但也不要每次都冷，总有天她会冷绝望的，热点的话会让她有动力。


10、 天蝎的性格其实很极端的，有的天蝎会出现极端内向和极端外向并存的现象，可以很安静，也可以很闹，天蝎对于环境适应能力很强，她能很好的去适应不同的人，只要不是自己特别厌恶的对象，都能在很短的时间里了解对方，然后脑子里出现了相应的相处方案。这点也是我觉得蝎子很适合去研究心理的原因，天赋额。只要天蝎想了解的，没什么了解不到，或许在你自以为没人了解你的同时天蝎早就看透你了。对于喜欢的人也是一样，她很容易洞悉对方的心理的，只要通过语言，动作，眼神等，因为她很敏感。


11、 也正因为天蝎拥有如此的敏感，她才会如此脆弱，动不动就容易受影响，比如突然就沉默了。天蝎骨子里有种自卑，但有时候又很自信，她不允许别人对他的质疑和不信任，有点偏执。她在喜欢一个人的时候，会觉得自己不够优秀，她很怕受爱情的打击，为爱所伤。所以，她喜欢恋人对自己很体贴入微，这样才有安全感，所以他她喜欢甜蜜型的对象。


12、 如果天蝎喜欢你，她就会假装无意的跟你说很多关于她的事，她会希望你更了解她更融入她的生活，天蝎的她很容易满足的，只要你偶尔的关心，她就会高兴很久，（在心里...连天气都觉得好起来了...）她很容易感动的，如果你能记得她的生日啊喜欢吃的东西啊什么的，她知道后会很高兴的，这说明你在乎她！如果你是她喜欢的人，你给她送什么吃的什么礼物，她都会当宝一样，就算不喜欢的东西也会开始喜欢起来...不好吃也吃掉...（他送的也，这东西怎么越看越好看呢...这东西原来挺好吃的呀......郁闷！）心里甜的要死，开始自作多情...


13、 蝎子的被动是出了名的！她越喜欢你越被动！她会希望你主动，因为她怕受伤，你的主动会带给她安全感，让她知道你在乎她，！所以，如果你喜欢她，就让她知道吧！让她确定你对她的情感，这样她才会收起自己的不自信，然后对你热起来。天蝎的冷和热区别很大的，只有关系确定了，她才会让你感受他真正意义上的全部热情！那时候你会被她的热情雷到的...同时，你会觉得很幸福！她的关心无微不至，她会浪漫，只要你不嫌她太限制你自由太缠你太爱吃醋...其实呢，吃醋是好事...蝎子不吃醋你才要担心呢...越吃醋，越爱你。


14、 天蝎如果喜欢你，就会没日没夜的想你，不过大部分都放心里不说，...即使心里想的要死，有时候也不肯主动发一条短信，因为她觉得这样很没面子，她会想如果你不喜欢她，她这样就是自作多情了，她觉得如果你在乎她，就会主动发来...QQ上也是...但往往她都会忍不住发过去...然后又后悔了...然后又时不时看看你回没，如果你回了，她就马上再回你，如果你没回，她就会想多，越想越多，然后就开始难过了...（为什么不回呢？在干嘛？应该是有事吧？还是根本不在乎我？不然应该回很快的啊...以下省略）


15、 天蝎很有意思的，很会装，很会故意，有时候又会希望她的口是心非被你发现，如果你没发现，她又会难过...有时候你很迟才回她短信，她就会生闷气、表面不说什么，原本打算如果你回她就不回了！让你也尝尝不被理的感觉...但有时候你一发来，她又会忍不住回你，如果你告诉她，刚才在干嘛什么的所以没回，她就会说没关系呢...也不知道刚才谁那么生气的！有时间她生你闷气的时候，会在回你的时候考虑到底要以怎么样的语气回呢...不能太多字，不能太热情...考虑特别多...如果你能看出她的不对劲，她心里高兴啊，但表面肯定说想多了。


16、 蝎子本性很安静的，也是容易想很多的，（鬼知道那些想法怎么冒出来的...开枝散叶...＝＝！）...都说天蝎第六感强...是的...别人想到的她也想到了...别人没想到的她也考虑到了...能不强嘛！天蝎有时候容易优柔寡断，就因为想太多，可怜的娃，每天都这么辛苦，想的都特别多，迟早要害了病白了头...T T...

天啊～好准呀！！我正是这样的家伙。。

一切地结束，新的开始。。

就这样3次的见面后，一切又得恢复正常。。

12月24日拿到成绩后看见自己的得意科目竟然没有拿A，慢慢地把梦幻中的我给唤醒。。

告诉我什么是现实，我的未来该怎么走,我不能这样堕落下去。。

Final Year Project 的thesis ， introduction 等着我。。

因为要知道课业，未来，事业只要一努力就可以成功。。

反而。。

我想自己还是不适合恋爱。。

虽然羡慕那些情侣们恩爱，不孤独的情景。。只是我走不下去。。

原因是什么我真的不知道。。

只是觉得累。。也不想要累下去。。

说要把握良机，但我也不知怎么走了。。

若有天发现他有伴侣了，也只能暗地祝福了。。

26日,新的学期也是最后一个学期了，得好好收拾心情努力，反正他也快回去了。。

无论结局如何，一切都看缘分及命运了。。

ラフェウル君へ、

この間、君と一緒にいるから、とても嬉しかった、幸せでした。本当にありがとうございました。君の事が好きですけど、この思いは君に伝える勇気がない、失恋が怖いから。これから新しい学期が始まります、未来のために一緒に頑張ってね～

 

シルヴィア上

3rd meeting ～Tortoise Dance

今日是最后一个报佳音咯~然后他有来，昨天就来了。。

有着“日本人”习惯的我一向都会早到，然而他今天6时半才到，这次我终于注意他的表情了。

他看见我时似乎很开心，我也与他点头笑。。

开始了我们先向神父报佳音，然后就上巴士出发。

这次园彦与其他人坐，所以我就自己一个人先坐别的位子等别人过来与我坐。一会儿他也上车了，是缘分还是故意的他竟然选坐在我前面的隔壁[就是隔壁行]，也就是可以看见我的。过后婉柔就坐在我旁边[我坐靠窗的位子]。。

第一家过后由于赶时间所以我们就把饮品带上巴士喝，他看见我没有饮品就假装问婉柔说你们要水吗？最后婉柔让给我。。

到第二家的途中比较远，所以他翻过来与婉柔说话，我也在旁听及笑，只是说什么暂时记不起来。。哈哈~而且他不知是看着婉柔呢还是看我。。哈哈~

过后去其他家的路途也是这样。若没说话时他也会时不时看过来，我偷瞄到的。甚至有此婉柔竟然问他：“你是在看我吗？” 他的回答好像是：没有啦。

去到第三第四家时下个倾盆大雨，全都淋湿了。。

第三家时，原本有个人隔着我们，只是唱到一边那人去与圣诞老人跳舞了，所以他就在我旁边。。

就只是唱歌啦，有点紧张，然后当然少不了偷瞄，他也如此。。

第四家我在他的旁边的后面而已。由于当时下着大雨，大家就站在走廊旁边等待雨伞的到来。。

我先站在那里，过后他就在我旁边。站在旁边却什么都没说。。好像不认识一样。。无奈。。

过后需要两人一把伞，不过由于他拿着吉他有优先权，所以我却与另一个男的有着雨中撑伞的一幕。。而且我还差点跌到。。

过后也有好几次他在我附近。。比如与润静一家说话时。。要么就上巴士前。。要么就是与那个帮我撑伞的男人说话时。。

原先我想送他一个小礼物[钥匙圈]只是到最后关头胆怯了。。而且很后悔！！

Haiz 我俩果然是Tortoise Dance , a dance which is slower than slow dance…

2nd meeting ~ 无缘

缘分这东西真的存在。而且也挺爱作弄人的。当自己有心要开始时，事情就这样发生了。。

无端端地何先生在家门前的斜坡上走着走着，“砰”了一声左脚就不能走了。。

正因如此他不能来参加今年的报佳音了。你说是不是缘分在作祟呢？
明明就可以与他进一步了解对方，谁知就这样没有了。。
无缘。。无缘。。
今早问他时还说会来，但是现在却因为担心上下巴士，过马路行动不便所以不来了。真的确实如此，个人也觉得他的脚不可能这么快好。。
第一天的第一家就是他的家。应该说是旧家，如今已经转成店面了。
原来他家是做建筑土木之类的东西，或许是店面的关系所以有点简陋。第一次真正地看过他的父母。父亲的性格感觉上就是那种静静地，有理地斯文人，他有着父亲的影子。当我们来唱歌时，他就在房门口看我们。至于母亲，外表微胖、开朗，然而却又有点让我觉得千万别动她一根寒毛地内在。我们唱歌时她就牵住女儿们与圣诞老人跳舞。我老妈子应给不会这样吧。。
唱歌时我并没看见他，或许是这屋子太狭小了吧。唱完后大家都与主人们握手祝福圣诞快乐。我也鼓起小小勇气与这一家人握手。当然他也在内啦~只是感觉如何？尴尬之外，似乎没什么感觉。。
他的妈妈为我们准备药材鸡吃。确实挺不错地我们在屋外吃，而他出来一会儿就进屋去了。出来时拿布给我们抹，大家都问他左脚的事情。。
临走前他的父母已出去开会了，家里只剩下他。大家集体向他道谢，只是他却还是在屋里没看见他的影子。谢谢仲伟uncle又或者是谢谢仲伟哥哥。。哈哈~
就这样与他见面的事就结束了。。
明天懒惰去唱所以赖在家里，23日才去。或许那时他的脚已痊愈了呢？也说不定。。
只是明天开始他的姐姐与妹妹都不会来参加报佳音了。。
其实要说伤感也不能这么说。这一切都是突然发生的事情。从心血来潮sent message给他，到他邀请我来参加报佳音，又到最后我们见面，然后在facebook chat。这一些都是在不到一个月之间发生的。。
不到一个月却又能发生那么多事，对自闭、自卑地我来说确实是无可思义，也已经足够了。。
今后会如何，看来又得靠缘分了。。
小感：看见他家的摆设一切，还有他的姐姐与妹妹之间的感情。让我觉得挺不错的。他们一家应该是朴素、简单的那种吧。这可以从他姐姐的身上看到。我们报佳音的制服是白衣黑裤，但她姐姐却没有所以就穿爸爸的白衣，及妈妈的黑裤。而妹妹就穿学校的白衣。。

31/100 さようなら、恋。。

恋愛は難しいです。。

片思いはとても苦しいです。。

さようなら、私を愛しているの人。。

諦めました。。

First Meeting

今天我特地起早为了就是要去神圣堂参加弥撒然后去练习报佳音。不过醉翁之意不在酒，在乎山水之间也。其实这全都是为了看他，与他一起。

只是我永远就是那个胆怯的家伙。。

早上8.15am到教堂。看不见他坐那里。最后在离开座位时才看见他。他穿白色线条collar t-shirt只是头发又再白了，应该没看见我吧？不过。。

然后弥撒完后我到处游荡，直到10.15am才到练习的房间去。由于不知确实的会场所以为了一个路人，那家伙把我带到room 3然后直接打开门。在我没有准备心里下，一打开门就见到他坐在门旁的桌子上。一吓之下，随口说了个”hi” 只是影响中他似乎没有回答我，表情如何就忘了。我就不当一回事的把书包放在桌上，然后假假地翻看歌书看他们要唱什么歌。这时他突然从桌上下来，然后把手伸向我面前的铅笔罐，拿铅笔。确实有点让我心跳加速。。

过后欢颜[以前认识的妹妹]来了，我与她打招呼然后问是否可以参与他们的报佳音。她说要问她的哥哥也就是利权[以前就认识的朋友]。然后利权就来了，看见了老朋友就自然与他在一起聊天了，而且刚好他也是这次报佳音的主席。

就这样开始了。大家围个圆圈，巧妙地是他竟然就在我对面，偷瞄他~哈哈～他好象也有。。过后吉他师有他们的小会议所以他就离开那个圆圈了，到后面去讨论。这时由于我是新人所以大家来个自我介绍。。

介绍过后我们开始练习舞步，练了一会儿他们也开始加入了。当时怎么了我忘了。然后润英来了她当然认识我呀，所以我们来个小交谈，但是奇怪地事他怎么又到我附近来似乎想要加入或偷听我们的话题的样子。。

小休后又开始练习了，原本弹着吉他的他怎么不弹了。而且把自己当成观众般看着我们表演。不过奇怪地事他怎么就要坐在我那一方呢？难道又再是巧合？

当了观众一会儿又回来加入我们。只是他怎么选择站我前面呀？ 可能他的朋友在我前面的旁边吧。。花痴中~他的背影～

又再小休，大家坐在地上与听主席说话。我还是在他后面只是比较远一些。当我与旁边的利权说话时，他有时就翻过来看。。

第二遍练习时他仍然站在我前面，当时后面的家伙在笑我矮小，我就淘气的“哼”了那家伙一声时他又翻过来看我们。。

最后一遍练习时，他在我后面。听着他的歌声越来越近，胆怯地我又马上加快脚步里他远一些。。该死！！只是最后他还是在我的旁边的旁边［我的旁边都是几个小孩子］。

完了之后收拾东西，我去拿书包打电话时，他又走过来拿自己的东西。我要离开时又不小心档了他的路。。

与利权道别后就离开到停车场去。当我走到车时，他也刚好走到自己的车去。我们距离有２辆车之远，不过空荡的停车场他没有理由没看见我。他似乎是换车了，红色的Proton Persona真是个奇怪的颜色，或许是他姐姐的车也说不定。原先想向他道别只是他没看过来，算了吧。。

就这样结束了这个胆怯的一早。。

我真的好没用呢。。竟然不敢与他说话。。太糟糕了，难道要slower than “slow dance” ?? haiz…

星期二６点见～

 

 

Damn it I spent too much!!

Ok, this is not a boasting blog. It’s just another blog to warn dear Ms. See that she had spent too much money on shopping.

You have19 pieces of dresses,  14pairs of shoes, 6pieces of skirts, 6 hats, unknown pairs of shorts, jeans and tee.  What the heck!?!

This is more than enough to wear for a long time. For example one dress a week, it would be up to 4 months in order to repeat the same thing again!!

Therefore please stop buying!!!

You love hat. But please no more!! I know the forever 21’s wool fedora hat is nice…but please don’t it’s RM79.90!!

Not to mention watches and hair accessories. Darn the accessories thing, you bought so much, but end up leave your hair like that without tying or any accessories!!

So now what I allowed you to buy are:

-A wallet [yours already worn out]

-A pair of sunglasses [though again you don’t really have much chance to wear]

That’s all…

Note:

To become beautiful, doesn’t means you need to buy new and pretty clothes, accessories to wear. It’s the way you behave, your skin complexion, you face and not to mention your body shape that do the magic!!

So off the shopping, but start exercise, diet, beauty care and learn etiquette to-day!!

Oh gosh, now my parents are inviting me to shop again….

Bloody hell…

写给自己的恋爱备忘录

昨夜与老友聊了“如何踏出第一步，更加认识他”的事情。。聊到凌晨2时左右，睡觉时也发了个好梦。。就是与他看戏约会的画面。。

老友一致鼓励我与他在FB交谈好让更加认识他。只是总觉得这样的事情自己好像不太做得来。突然间与一个不是很认识的人交谈确实很荒谬。而且最重要的是，怕他没有回复我直接offline。已经好久没有为爱而伤心，只怕这一点小事就让自己受伤，确实有点不值得。。

或许从来没有谈过恋爱，脑子里依然只有学业，假期，看戏，购物及游玩罢了。忽然想加个恋爱进来，确实很不像我。甚至觉得这种行为有点罪过。

脑子里仿佛有着两个人，一男、一女。那男人就是属于理智那种，成天就想着事业、未来、养家。。而那女人呢，就想着依靠、爱情、幸福。。

近期这两人正在吵架。男人一向都拥有主权。只是那女人实在不能忍受这主权，所以与对方争吵。当女人夺取主权后，所有行动及举止就与一贯的我不一，也因此产生了生疏，罪恶感。。

老友的撮合，及昨夜的好梦下，脑子女人主权的我终于跨出第一小步。只是我仍然没有这个勇气与他online chatting. 所以选择了send message.

内容大概如下：

Hi, have you come back to Penang? I took the JLPT Test last Sunday. With the new syllabus now the N4 [previous L3] it’s quite easy le. May be next year you should take it. Btw you learn Japanese by urself or at UTM ?

But hoh, pls don’t give up on Japanese le. Or else not much ppl can communicate or speak with Japanese with me d. Haha cause most of my friends duno Jap.

Anyhow , cheerio and god bless for ur project or something.

这是今天下午发送的。如今还没得到回应，当然时间还早吧。不过自己也不想包太多的期望，免得失望更大。

就这样男人主权的脑子又回来了。。

接下来要写的就是给自己的恋爱备忘录：

－恋爱并不像学习，你付出并不是一定会得到结果的。而且还有看对象，也并不是那么简单。

－恋爱是在出乎意料的时刻开始的。并不是强求，一切随缘。

－尽然对方没做什么表现就把他忘了吧。女人该有自己的自尊。女人的面子也是很重要的。

－单身不是罪。做了丢面子的事才是罪。

－不要因为没有伴侣而拼命的找。单身一人：有事业，有学问，有外表，自由自在到处旅行，其实也不是一件坏事。至少生活负担少了很多，想吃什么，想买什么都可以。所有事都没有两全其美的，单身的自由自在，轻轻松松；有伴侣的就幸福快乐，与所爱的人在一起。。

－不要看见别人的幸福美满而妒忌他们。想想每个情侣，恋人背后有着比自己更多的心酸故事。

－也不要因为没有伴侣而自暴自弃，沮丧。应该要打扮漂漂亮亮。不为了别人，为自己而打扮。女人与打扮原本就是一体的。

－祈祷。心灵其实是很重要的。有着开朗的想法，一切也会变得开朗。祈祷除了带来希望，而且多了个心灵衬托的地方。

－增广见闻。读书、旅游、探望孤儿院，老人院。。这些都可以让自己的视线开阔。让自己知道，并不是孤单一个人。

当然要写的真的还有很多。只希望自己可以如自己所写的那样就好了。。

自刚才email与我的心灵神师Clara修女说说自己对世间及教会的看法后，原本浅灰色的心情，又再次恢复气色了。所以有个心灵老师其实是很好的。真的很感谢她的存在。虽然她并没有那么快回信，只是把想法送出去就已足够了～

 

Untitled

Recently what I have been up to?

Well I’m in a deep relationship. I’m terribly in love with a person name---- Lazy

Why?

I rather stay at home in my comfort zone [in case you guys don’t know: my lovely bed] watching movies / drama all day long instead of do what I suppose to do. Such as: study for my Japan Language Proficiency Test, or read those journals which will help me in my project…

My project has come to an end. If everything goes well, the month of December will put a full stop on it. I mean the experimental part. And here begins the writing part. There’re still some “mysteries” waiting to be solved. If I can make it, it probably will earn me a name on the science direct with a pleasant impact factor. On the other hand, if I can’t make it, I’ll end up with an apple on my head, blind-folded, waiting for the lecturers to aim their arrow head on it during my viva session.

As how to solve these “mysteries”, I think reading journals will be helpful. However, I only will start it by next Tuesday. Why? Again it’s due to laziness…

Four months to go, before I graduated. What’s my plan? Should be stick back to the old crappy USM Chemistry School Physical Lab Environmental Department for my Master in research mode. Well as long as Ah Seng wants to accept me. And it will be a 3 to 4 years before I end up with a round bonnet on my head.

And that time I’ll be 26 or 27. 3 to 4 years in the old same environment. Make me worried about my future. Will I find my “meant to be”?

You see, I’m a surreal person. I only think of what I will be able to achieve. Of course I do dream, still it remains as dream or some surprise or luck in life.

I dream of going to precede my studies in Japan, where I’ll meet my idol Associate Professor Takeuchi Daisuke. However in order to go there, I must at least have a good 1^st honor for my BSc. Or money!!! I have neither of these, so Sayonara.

So long for these future talks, I had to admit that recently I have been “hungry” for love. Yeah, maybe it’s been a long time since I’m in love ,the last time that I fall for a person was four years ago. Gosh, never thought it would be so long…ha-ha!

Felt that my life’s too dry. Also I need somebody who can support me and be with me during my research period. As a lady, it does bring some disadvantages for those who do research in pure science. Think about the highly concentrated chemical, or the time you need to be alone in the lab at the most deathly hour. Without a person to be with you, or mentally support, the pathway will be long and tough.

Of course this relationship thingy, is not as easy as it seems to be isn’t it? First you need to find a target, next you must know the target, compare whether he suit you or not, only then will take action. But love is a two way relationship. Just like a chemical equation.

A+B <-> product

If A is in excess, but B in the limiting reagent, a product won’t come out too.

That’s why people said Love is Chemistry. And this is my core subject. Ha-ha!

Ok, just a little bit more. From secondary days till now I still favor a guy named Raphael. As I said plenty of times, I would really want to marry him! Because he’s a catholic and my cup of tea.  Just that I don’t know how to approach him in order to know more about him. Though, recently I manage to put a tiny bit effort to approach him through facebook, by asking nonsense question.

Perhaps I had grown old, I had lost my pro-activeness. Think about last time during my Form 3 years, I dare to ask a person which I don’t really know out for a date. And now I’m just being coward, or should I said my “reputation” and “pride” are more than anything.

Anyhow, nobody knows the future, so why not we just let it be?

Or should we stick to this quote?

Opportunity does not knock, then knock again, then leaves a note saying "Sorry, I missed you."

Ha-ha  and cheerio~

All the love in the World

Rating:	★★★★★
Category:	Music
Genre:	Pop
Artist:	The Corrs

Well it's an old song though...but still I love it very much. Also The Corrs's my favourite band too~

I'm not looking for someone to talk to
I've got my friends, I'm more than OK
I've got more than a girl could wish for
I live my dreams but it's not all they say
Still I believe I'm missing something real
I need someone who really sees me
Chorus:
Don't wanna wake up alone anymore
Still believing you'll walk through my door
All I need is to know it's for sure
Then I'll give all the love in the world
I've often wondered if love's an illusion
Just to get you through the loneliest days
I can't criticize it - I have no hesitation
My imagination just stole me away
Still I believe
I'm missing something real
I need someone who really sees me
Chorus
Love's for a lifetime not for a moment
So how could I throw it away
Yeah I'm only human
And nights grow colder
With no-one to love me that way
Yeah I need someone who really sees me
And I won't wake up alone anymore
Still believing you'll walk through my door
You'll reach for me and I'll know it's for sure
Then I'll give all the love in the world
(Don't wanna wake up alone)...

Well: this song kinda represent my current mind...perhaps a little love will add some colour to my dull , boring . half-hectic days~

Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World

Rating:	★★★★
Category:	Books
Genre:	Literature & Fiction
Author:	Haruki Murakami

Hard-boiled Wonder land and the End of the World by Haruki Murakami
So this is my 2nd Murakami’s book. Just finish reading yesterday night. It’s much better than my 1st book “ The Wind-up Bird Chronicle” , shorter, lesser erotic sex scene , and more interesting.

So here’s the summary :
The story is split between parallel narratives. The odd-numbered chapters take place in 'Hard-Boiled Wonderland', although the phrase is not used anywhere in the text, only in page headers. The narrator is a "Calcutec," a human data processor/encryption system who has been trained to use his subconscious as an encryption key. The Calcutecs work for the quasi-governmental System, as opposed to the criminal "Semiotecs" who work for the Factory and who are generally fallen Calcutecs. The relationship between the two groups is simple: the System protects data while the Semiotecs steal it, although it is suggested that one man might be behind both. The narrator completes an assignment for a mysterious scientist, who is exploring "sound reduction". He works in a laboratory hidden within an anachronistic version of Tokyo's sewer system.
The even-numbered chapters deal with a newcomer to 'the End of the World', a strange, isolated walled Town depicted in the frontispiece map as being surrounded by a perfect and impenetrable wall. The narrator is in the process of being accepted into the Town. His shadow has been "cut off" and this shadow lives in the "shadow grounds" where he is not expected to survive the winter. Residents of the town are not allowed to have a shadow, and, it transpires, do not have a mind. Or is it only suppressed? The narrator is assigned quarters and a job as the current "dreamreader": a process intended to remove the traces of mind from the Town. He goes to the Library every evening where, assisted by the Librarian, he learns to read dreams from the skulls of unicorns. These "beasts" passively accept their role, sent out of the Town at night, to their enclosure where many die of cold during the winter.
The two storylines converge, exploring concepts of consciousness, the unconscious mind (or as it incorrectly referred to, subconscious) and identity.

Review:
This is a very interesting novel. In the sense that Murakami combine two books [Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World] into one book. As the summary had mentioned , the even number is Hard-Boiled Wonderland , while the odd is the other. Which means after one chapter of book 1, you have to wait for another book 2 chapter past in order to continue book 1 story. Weird isn’t it ? It’s just like watching a drama series on the TV. When the story reaches climax , you have to continue the story on the next day. Of course you can skip the chapter, but it’ll just spoil the fun.

At 1st these 2 books seems does not make any sense. But in the end they converge perfectly. Hard-boiled Wonderland is the reality, while the End of the World is the opposite. It’s an imaginary world create by the narrator where people living peacefully and eternally. However those people don’t have mind. They don’t have needs, they won’t get angry and they don’t even know what is love. They just do what they ought to do , everyday, eternally. This part of the book, the author describe more about the weather , scenery o f the town , than the adventure of the narrator.

As for the Hard-Boiled Wonderland, it’s about “secret agent” working in the modern Tokyo. There’re a lot of weird but interesting adventures in this part. For example: the adventure in the sewage underground. What I don’t like about this part is the sex scene. Perhaps I’m a bit conservative, I still can’t accept the fact they add sex in a novel, when there’s no necessary for it. In fact, some people quote sex as an normal daily activity just like eating, sleeping, and etc. Still, I can’t accept it. Perhaps Murakami describe it in an erotic way instead of what it meant to be, the romantic way.

And that’s the one think I hate about Murakami. He will never forget to put erotic scene in his book. Maybe because he’s a man, he thinks sex as an erotic activity than a romantic activity. However, his books left us do lot of thinking, and give readers lots of fresh and weird ideas. Such as, why do we need shadows? , or Would you want an eternal life but without any though? …etc. Besides, this author has lots of knowledge in classical music and English literatures. These can be seen by the input of the 2 elements in Hard-Boiled Wonderland. Of course I know nothing about any of this element, which make me kind of ignorant.

Overall:
Hard-Boiled Wonderland it’s about science fiction and adventure. While the End of the World it’s more about inner feeling, and more thinking.
I especially like the ending. Where the author did not describe it clearly and left a space for the reader to think. What I think is, the narrator’s shadow escape the town and became a white bird flying in the sky. As for the narrator’s “body” , it was freeze in the lab in the reality by the Scientist Granddaughter , while the real “mind” of the narrator lives serene, eternally and happily with his librarian girlfriend in the woods of End of the World town, which is an imaginary town. The End.

P.s In case for those who don’t know who Murakami. He’s the famous Japanese Modern Best-selling writer 村上春树。

坏习惯。。

我有个坏习惯，就是不喜欢把自己心中所想的说出来。当现实并不与自己所想符合事，就会发脾气。。
就如现在一样。。
原本说好要参加难得一次的本堂升神父典礼，我还特地charge camera及准备一切，期待的去参加这个典礼。不过最后却是。。
妈说怕典礼太长不去了。。而切当事她还在等待剪头发中。。
其实若我开口，或许还可以自己去。但，可能是无聊白痴的面子原因就没说了。。
如今想要开口时，典礼已经要开始了，而他们仍然在等待理发中。。

其实想想，我生气应该是在气自己无能吧。。又或是事情不能如自己所愿吧。。

可惜已太迟了。。
因此越来越觉得自己长不大，不能跳出父母的管辖范围。。
当然如今不能去的原因之一是，我的车子在他们那里。。

回不去。。

星期日到今天已经是第三天了，只是我依然与他们冷战中。他们已试着用好的口气与我说话，不过我始终回不了以前的样子。。

过了三天一切都改过去了，但不知为何我还是不能吞下这口气。听到、看见1024或附近的日期，又或是近期内谁生日如何庆祝等等，肚子就滚滚的火。似乎有点变态的感觉。仔细想我到底在恨他们什么？

是因为破坏了我的生日吗？

还是“背叛”我，把说好一起看的连续剧给看了？

又或者是想要报复，让他们知道我生日时辛苦的感受？

还是自尊心太强了？认为伤得太重，不想恢复从前了？

这一来又回到了原点。只是一点小事，又怎能说重伤呢？

最终或许只是觉得人生太无趣所以想找些事干罢了吧。。

也不知为何就是不想回去，觉得现在也活得不错的。。

万一他们把我赶走，自己应该还可以维持到毕业吧。。

看来我真的是在惟恐天下不乱了吧。。

若真的要到回去的话。。

我希望可以来个道歉，做些弥补的事情比如买些小东西，又或者是再次买过一个蛋糕也好。。

最终想法其实就是要他们知道我的感受。。只是我并不是那种擅长言语的人。。

刚才她还指责我说这么做会遭到天谴，我的表姐表哥都没这么对待他们的父母。。等等。。

只是我的自私与是非感实在太强了。。

回不去，又或者不想回去。。