First Meeting

今天我特地起早为了就是要去神圣堂参加弥撒然后去练习报佳音。不过醉翁之意不在酒，在乎山水之间也。其实这全都是为了看他，与他一起。

只是我永远就是那个胆怯的家伙。。

早上8.15am到教堂。看不见他坐那里。最后在离开座位时才看见他。他穿白色线条collar t-shirt只是头发又再白了，应该没看见我吧？不过。。

然后弥撒完后我到处游荡，直到10.15am才到练习的房间去。由于不知确实的会场所以为了一个路人，那家伙把我带到room 3然后直接打开门。在我没有准备心里下，一打开门就见到他坐在门旁的桌子上。一吓之下，随口说了个”hi” 只是影响中他似乎没有回答我，表情如何就忘了。我就不当一回事的把书包放在桌上，然后假假地翻看歌书看他们要唱什么歌。这时他突然从桌上下来，然后把手伸向我面前的铅笔罐，拿铅笔。确实有点让我心跳加速。。

过后欢颜[以前认识的妹妹]来了，我与她打招呼然后问是否可以参与他们的报佳音。她说要问她的哥哥也就是利权[以前就认识的朋友]。然后利权就来了，看见了老朋友就自然与他在一起聊天了，而且刚好他也是这次报佳音的主席。

就这样开始了。大家围个圆圈，巧妙地是他竟然就在我对面，偷瞄他~哈哈～他好象也有。。过后吉他师有他们的小会议所以他就离开那个圆圈了，到后面去讨论。这时由于我是新人所以大家来个自我介绍。。

介绍过后我们开始练习舞步，练了一会儿他们也开始加入了。当时怎么了我忘了。然后润英来了她当然认识我呀，所以我们来个小交谈，但是奇怪地事他怎么又到我附近来似乎想要加入或偷听我们的话题的样子。。

小休后又开始练习了，原本弹着吉他的他怎么不弹了。而且把自己当成观众般看着我们表演。不过奇怪地事他怎么就要坐在我那一方呢？难道又再是巧合？

当了观众一会儿又回来加入我们。只是他怎么选择站我前面呀？ 可能他的朋友在我前面的旁边吧。。花痴中~他的背影～

又再小休，大家坐在地上与听主席说话。我还是在他后面只是比较远一些。当我与旁边的利权说话时，他有时就翻过来看。。

第二遍练习时他仍然站在我前面，当时后面的家伙在笑我矮小，我就淘气的“哼”了那家伙一声时他又翻过来看我们。。

最后一遍练习时，他在我后面。听着他的歌声越来越近，胆怯地我又马上加快脚步里他远一些。。该死！！只是最后他还是在我的旁边的旁边［我的旁边都是几个小孩子］。

完了之后收拾东西，我去拿书包打电话时，他又走过来拿自己的东西。我要离开时又不小心档了他的路。。

与利权道别后就离开到停车场去。当我走到车时，他也刚好走到自己的车去。我们距离有２辆车之远，不过空荡的停车场他没有理由没看见我。他似乎是换车了，红色的Proton Persona真是个奇怪的颜色，或许是他姐姐的车也说不定。原先想向他道别只是他没看过来，算了吧。。

就这样结束了这个胆怯的一早。。

我真的好没用呢。。竟然不敢与他说话。。太糟糕了，难道要slower than “slow dance” ?? haiz…

星期二６点见～

 

 

Damn it I spent too much!!

Ok, this is not a boasting blog. It’s just another blog to warn dear Ms. See that she had spent too much money on shopping.

You have19 pieces of dresses,  14pairs of shoes, 6pieces of skirts, 6 hats, unknown pairs of shorts, jeans and tee.  What the heck!?!

This is more than enough to wear for a long time. For example one dress a week, it would be up to 4 months in order to repeat the same thing again!!

Therefore please stop buying!!!

You love hat. But please no more!! I know the forever 21’s wool fedora hat is nice…but please don’t it’s RM79.90!!

Not to mention watches and hair accessories. Darn the accessories thing, you bought so much, but end up leave your hair like that without tying or any accessories!!

So now what I allowed you to buy are:

-A wallet [yours already worn out]

-A pair of sunglasses [though again you don’t really have much chance to wear]

That’s all…

Note:

To become beautiful, doesn’t means you need to buy new and pretty clothes, accessories to wear. It’s the way you behave, your skin complexion, you face and not to mention your body shape that do the magic!!

So off the shopping, but start exercise, diet, beauty care and learn etiquette to-day!!

Oh gosh, now my parents are inviting me to shop again….

Bloody hell…

写给自己的恋爱备忘录

昨夜与老友聊了“如何踏出第一步，更加认识他”的事情。。聊到凌晨2时左右，睡觉时也发了个好梦。。就是与他看戏约会的画面。。

老友一致鼓励我与他在FB交谈好让更加认识他。只是总觉得这样的事情自己好像不太做得来。突然间与一个不是很认识的人交谈确实很荒谬。而且最重要的是，怕他没有回复我直接offline。已经好久没有为爱而伤心，只怕这一点小事就让自己受伤，确实有点不值得。。

或许从来没有谈过恋爱，脑子里依然只有学业，假期，看戏，购物及游玩罢了。忽然想加个恋爱进来，确实很不像我。甚至觉得这种行为有点罪过。

脑子里仿佛有着两个人，一男、一女。那男人就是属于理智那种，成天就想着事业、未来、养家。。而那女人呢，就想着依靠、爱情、幸福。。

近期这两人正在吵架。男人一向都拥有主权。只是那女人实在不能忍受这主权，所以与对方争吵。当女人夺取主权后，所有行动及举止就与一贯的我不一，也因此产生了生疏，罪恶感。。

老友的撮合，及昨夜的好梦下，脑子女人主权的我终于跨出第一小步。只是我仍然没有这个勇气与他online chatting. 所以选择了send message.

内容大概如下：

Hi, have you come back to Penang? I took the JLPT Test last Sunday. With the new syllabus now the N4 [previous L3] it’s quite easy le. May be next year you should take it. Btw you learn Japanese by urself or at UTM ?

But hoh, pls don’t give up on Japanese le. Or else not much ppl can communicate or speak with Japanese with me d. Haha cause most of my friends duno Jap.

Anyhow , cheerio and god bless for ur project or something.

这是今天下午发送的。如今还没得到回应，当然时间还早吧。不过自己也不想包太多的期望，免得失望更大。

就这样男人主权的脑子又回来了。。

接下来要写的就是给自己的恋爱备忘录：

－恋爱并不像学习，你付出并不是一定会得到结果的。而且还有看对象，也并不是那么简单。

－恋爱是在出乎意料的时刻开始的。并不是强求，一切随缘。

－尽然对方没做什么表现就把他忘了吧。女人该有自己的自尊。女人的面子也是很重要的。

－单身不是罪。做了丢面子的事才是罪。

－不要因为没有伴侣而拼命的找。单身一人：有事业，有学问，有外表，自由自在到处旅行，其实也不是一件坏事。至少生活负担少了很多，想吃什么，想买什么都可以。所有事都没有两全其美的，单身的自由自在，轻轻松松；有伴侣的就幸福快乐，与所爱的人在一起。。

－不要看见别人的幸福美满而妒忌他们。想想每个情侣，恋人背后有着比自己更多的心酸故事。

－也不要因为没有伴侣而自暴自弃，沮丧。应该要打扮漂漂亮亮。不为了别人，为自己而打扮。女人与打扮原本就是一体的。

－祈祷。心灵其实是很重要的。有着开朗的想法，一切也会变得开朗。祈祷除了带来希望，而且多了个心灵衬托的地方。

－增广见闻。读书、旅游、探望孤儿院，老人院。。这些都可以让自己的视线开阔。让自己知道，并不是孤单一个人。

当然要写的真的还有很多。只希望自己可以如自己所写的那样就好了。。

自刚才email与我的心灵神师Clara修女说说自己对世间及教会的看法后，原本浅灰色的心情，又再次恢复气色了。所以有个心灵老师其实是很好的。真的很感谢她的存在。虽然她并没有那么快回信，只是把想法送出去就已足够了～

 

Untitled

Recently what I have been up to?

Well I’m in a deep relationship. I’m terribly in love with a person name---- Lazy

Why?

I rather stay at home in my comfort zone [in case you guys don’t know: my lovely bed] watching movies / drama all day long instead of do what I suppose to do. Such as: study for my Japan Language Proficiency Test, or read those journals which will help me in my project…

My project has come to an end. If everything goes well, the month of December will put a full stop on it. I mean the experimental part. And here begins the writing part. There’re still some “mysteries” waiting to be solved. If I can make it, it probably will earn me a name on the science direct with a pleasant impact factor. On the other hand, if I can’t make it, I’ll end up with an apple on my head, blind-folded, waiting for the lecturers to aim their arrow head on it during my viva session.

As how to solve these “mysteries”, I think reading journals will be helpful. However, I only will start it by next Tuesday. Why? Again it’s due to laziness…

Four months to go, before I graduated. What’s my plan? Should be stick back to the old crappy USM Chemistry School Physical Lab Environmental Department for my Master in research mode. Well as long as Ah Seng wants to accept me. And it will be a 3 to 4 years before I end up with a round bonnet on my head.

And that time I’ll be 26 or 27. 3 to 4 years in the old same environment. Make me worried about my future. Will I find my “meant to be”?

You see, I’m a surreal person. I only think of what I will be able to achieve. Of course I do dream, still it remains as dream or some surprise or luck in life.

I dream of going to precede my studies in Japan, where I’ll meet my idol Associate Professor Takeuchi Daisuke. However in order to go there, I must at least have a good 1^st honor for my BSc. Or money!!! I have neither of these, so Sayonara.

So long for these future talks, I had to admit that recently I have been “hungry” for love. Yeah, maybe it’s been a long time since I’m in love ,the last time that I fall for a person was four years ago. Gosh, never thought it would be so long…ha-ha!

Felt that my life’s too dry. Also I need somebody who can support me and be with me during my research period. As a lady, it does bring some disadvantages for those who do research in pure science. Think about the highly concentrated chemical, or the time you need to be alone in the lab at the most deathly hour. Without a person to be with you, or mentally support, the pathway will be long and tough.

Of course this relationship thingy, is not as easy as it seems to be isn’t it? First you need to find a target, next you must know the target, compare whether he suit you or not, only then will take action. But love is a two way relationship. Just like a chemical equation.

A+B <-> product

If A is in excess, but B in the limiting reagent, a product won’t come out too.

That’s why people said Love is Chemistry. And this is my core subject. Ha-ha!

Ok, just a little bit more. From secondary days till now I still favor a guy named Raphael. As I said plenty of times, I would really want to marry him! Because he’s a catholic and my cup of tea.  Just that I don’t know how to approach him in order to know more about him. Though, recently I manage to put a tiny bit effort to approach him through facebook, by asking nonsense question.

Perhaps I had grown old, I had lost my pro-activeness. Think about last time during my Form 3 years, I dare to ask a person which I don’t really know out for a date. And now I’m just being coward, or should I said my “reputation” and “pride” are more than anything.

Anyhow, nobody knows the future, so why not we just let it be?

Or should we stick to this quote?

Opportunity does not knock, then knock again, then leaves a note saying "Sorry, I missed you."

Ha-ha  and cheerio~

All the love in the World

Rating:	★★★★★
Category:	Music
Genre:	Pop
Artist:	The Corrs

Well it's an old song though...but still I love it very much. Also The Corrs's my favourite band too~

I'm not looking for someone to talk to
I've got my friends, I'm more than OK
I've got more than a girl could wish for
I live my dreams but it's not all they say
Still I believe I'm missing something real
I need someone who really sees me
Chorus:
Don't wanna wake up alone anymore
Still believing you'll walk through my door
All I need is to know it's for sure
Then I'll give all the love in the world
I've often wondered if love's an illusion
Just to get you through the loneliest days
I can't criticize it - I have no hesitation
My imagination just stole me away
Still I believe
I'm missing something real
I need someone who really sees me
Chorus
Love's for a lifetime not for a moment
So how could I throw it away
Yeah I'm only human
And nights grow colder
With no-one to love me that way
Yeah I need someone who really sees me
And I won't wake up alone anymore
Still believing you'll walk through my door
You'll reach for me and I'll know it's for sure
Then I'll give all the love in the world
(Don't wanna wake up alone)...

Well: this song kinda represent my current mind...perhaps a little love will add some colour to my dull , boring . half-hectic days~

Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World

Rating:	★★★★
Category:	Books
Genre:	Literature & Fiction
Author:	Haruki Murakami

Hard-boiled Wonder land and the End of the World by Haruki Murakami
So this is my 2nd Murakami’s book. Just finish reading yesterday night. It’s much better than my 1st book “ The Wind-up Bird Chronicle” , shorter, lesser erotic sex scene , and more interesting.

So here’s the summary :
The story is split between parallel narratives. The odd-numbered chapters take place in 'Hard-Boiled Wonderland', although the phrase is not used anywhere in the text, only in page headers. The narrator is a "Calcutec," a human data processor/encryption system who has been trained to use his subconscious as an encryption key. The Calcutecs work for the quasi-governmental System, as opposed to the criminal "Semiotecs" who work for the Factory and who are generally fallen Calcutecs. The relationship between the two groups is simple: the System protects data while the Semiotecs steal it, although it is suggested that one man might be behind both. The narrator completes an assignment for a mysterious scientist, who is exploring "sound reduction". He works in a laboratory hidden within an anachronistic version of Tokyo's sewer system.
The even-numbered chapters deal with a newcomer to 'the End of the World', a strange, isolated walled Town depicted in the frontispiece map as being surrounded by a perfect and impenetrable wall. The narrator is in the process of being accepted into the Town. His shadow has been "cut off" and this shadow lives in the "shadow grounds" where he is not expected to survive the winter. Residents of the town are not allowed to have a shadow, and, it transpires, do not have a mind. Or is it only suppressed? The narrator is assigned quarters and a job as the current "dreamreader": a process intended to remove the traces of mind from the Town. He goes to the Library every evening where, assisted by the Librarian, he learns to read dreams from the skulls of unicorns. These "beasts" passively accept their role, sent out of the Town at night, to their enclosure where many die of cold during the winter.
The two storylines converge, exploring concepts of consciousness, the unconscious mind (or as it incorrectly referred to, subconscious) and identity.

Review:
This is a very interesting novel. In the sense that Murakami combine two books [Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World] into one book. As the summary had mentioned , the even number is Hard-Boiled Wonderland , while the odd is the other. Which means after one chapter of book 1, you have to wait for another book 2 chapter past in order to continue book 1 story. Weird isn’t it ? It’s just like watching a drama series on the TV. When the story reaches climax , you have to continue the story on the next day. Of course you can skip the chapter, but it’ll just spoil the fun.

At 1st these 2 books seems does not make any sense. But in the end they converge perfectly. Hard-boiled Wonderland is the reality, while the End of the World is the opposite. It’s an imaginary world create by the narrator where people living peacefully and eternally. However those people don’t have mind. They don’t have needs, they won’t get angry and they don’t even know what is love. They just do what they ought to do , everyday, eternally. This part of the book, the author describe more about the weather , scenery o f the town , than the adventure of the narrator.

As for the Hard-Boiled Wonderland, it’s about “secret agent” working in the modern Tokyo. There’re a lot of weird but interesting adventures in this part. For example: the adventure in the sewage underground. What I don’t like about this part is the sex scene. Perhaps I’m a bit conservative, I still can’t accept the fact they add sex in a novel, when there’s no necessary for it. In fact, some people quote sex as an normal daily activity just like eating, sleeping, and etc. Still, I can’t accept it. Perhaps Murakami describe it in an erotic way instead of what it meant to be, the romantic way.

And that’s the one think I hate about Murakami. He will never forget to put erotic scene in his book. Maybe because he’s a man, he thinks sex as an erotic activity than a romantic activity. However, his books left us do lot of thinking, and give readers lots of fresh and weird ideas. Such as, why do we need shadows? , or Would you want an eternal life but without any though? …etc. Besides, this author has lots of knowledge in classical music and English literatures. These can be seen by the input of the 2 elements in Hard-Boiled Wonderland. Of course I know nothing about any of this element, which make me kind of ignorant.

Overall:
Hard-Boiled Wonderland it’s about science fiction and adventure. While the End of the World it’s more about inner feeling, and more thinking.
I especially like the ending. Where the author did not describe it clearly and left a space for the reader to think. What I think is, the narrator’s shadow escape the town and became a white bird flying in the sky. As for the narrator’s “body” , it was freeze in the lab in the reality by the Scientist Granddaughter , while the real “mind” of the narrator lives serene, eternally and happily with his librarian girlfriend in the woods of End of the World town, which is an imaginary town. The End.

P.s In case for those who don’t know who Murakami. He’s the famous Japanese Modern Best-selling writer 村上春树。

坏习惯。。

我有个坏习惯，就是不喜欢把自己心中所想的说出来。当现实并不与自己所想符合事，就会发脾气。。
就如现在一样。。
原本说好要参加难得一次的本堂升神父典礼，我还特地charge camera及准备一切，期待的去参加这个典礼。不过最后却是。。
妈说怕典礼太长不去了。。而切当事她还在等待剪头发中。。
其实若我开口，或许还可以自己去。但，可能是无聊白痴的面子原因就没说了。。
如今想要开口时，典礼已经要开始了，而他们仍然在等待理发中。。

其实想想，我生气应该是在气自己无能吧。。又或是事情不能如自己所愿吧。。

可惜已太迟了。。
因此越来越觉得自己长不大，不能跳出父母的管辖范围。。
当然如今不能去的原因之一是，我的车子在他们那里。。